About a week ago, I had a visitor, a rather sad visitor who needed someone to talk to, so I made some coffee, cut us a slice of chocolate crunch each, and started to listen. That’s all I could do, listen, there was nothing I could say that would make my visitor feel better. There was no inspired advice I could give that would help to radically change the situation. I have no magic wand I can wave and make things right. But oh, how I wanted to do more then just listen. Don’t you just hate that, when a friend is hurting and there is nothing you can do to help? It’s been a while since I’ve commiserated with a friend over a break up, the last two friends who got divorced I celebrated with! But with this visitor, things are different; I liked the couple I thought they worked well together. Obviously, I was wrong. In those two hours of conversation, I learnt more about my visitor then I had learnt in the past two years. I don’t know for sure if I was any help, or if my visitor left feeling any better but I was glad I was there to listen. I’m not sure I said anything new or earth shattering but I think at least I said what my visitor needed to hear. But my visitor left smiling, so I must’ve done something right.
In the days since my visitor left I have been thinking and reflecting on the things I was told and I have realised that I’m so glad those early years in my relationship are over. Getting to know someone and learning to accept their “faults” is not a simple process. Being young and arrogant doesn’t a compromise make. The realisation that your partner doesn’t communicate the same way you do takes a lot of misunderstandings and arguments. Of course first you have to learn to listen to each other before you can learn to communicate. Yep I’m really glad those first years of my relationship are over! I’m glad that now the Mauritian and I can communicate an entire conversation with just one look. I enjoy the fact that when I gripe at the Mauritian he defends himself with humour and makes me laugh. In the first years we always had to be doing something or going somewhere. Now we are both happy to just be in the same room together doing our own thing. The conversation is random and disjointed but we understand each other. We used to plan every moment of our weekends with friends or family, now we’re okay with sitting at home doing nothing for an entire weekend. When we first met we went all out to have quantity time now we just appreciate the quality time.
It’s been just over two weeks and my visitor has moved on to the single life again and doing fine. It seems to me my visitor has accepted the end of this long-term relationship, taking the lessons learnt and is heading out into the world armed and ready to start again.
As much as I sometimes wish I was twenty two again, I’m glad I’m not single, and I’m sure glad I wasn't when I was twenty two.