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Thursday, 16 August 2012

Hurricane Hollie


There is a line from the musical Oklahoma when Curly exclaimed in horror “Great snakes almighty!” It is a line I used repeatedly one Friday when hurricane Hollie past through my house.

My ideal day starts early before anyone else wakes up when I can do the whole “shit, shower and shave” process without interruption and I can take my time. It also allows me to get breakfast ready and start the housework before the morning rush begins. Unfortunately, it is very seldom that I managed to get myself up by half past five especially in the depth of the winter. Friday, however was one of my early mornings, I was awake at four in the morning and decided to get up and start my day. By the time everyone was rushing around getting ready for school or work I had done just about everything I was required to do. So once the Butterfly was at school and the Lollipop was sitting empting her toy box and not having a muse in residence for the day I decided to clean out cupboards and draws. I did such a good job, everything looked rather organised for a change, so organised in fact that the chances of me actually finding anything was almost nil.  

Then the Lollipop woke up from her morning nap in a foul mood! “Great snakes almighty!” what a fight it was just to change her nappy, after finally managing to attach it I let her go pants less. She ran straight into the kitchen opened two kitchen draws and the plastic ware cupboards and empty them completely all the time shouting profanities at me. How dare I even think about changing her nappy when she has things to do! Then while I was repacking the kitchen, she wiggled behind the television and started fiddling with wires so she got a talking to and a smack. “Great snakes almighty!” did she get her own back! She ran away from me crying, I watched as she went into her sister’s bedroom I figured I would finish in the kitchen then check on her I was sure she would just play happily in the Butterfly’s toy box as usual. I found her sitting on Butterfly’s art box having first negotiated her way around the bike, pulling all the books out of the bookshelf. The art box was in front of the bookshelf to stop her doing exactly that and the bike was in front of the box to stop her climbing on it. Well that did not work! So I took her off and sorted out that mess, the Lollipop in the mean time discovered that the Butterfly had not closed her cupboard door properly that morning. So the Lollipop went in there and took out the entire contents of the Butterfly’s closet. So when I finished the bookshelf I repacked the cupboard this time while the Lollipop played in the toy box.

Relieved I headed to the kitchen to make the Lollipop’s lunch. I went to fetch her to eat and found her in her room unpacking her nappies, having worked out how to take the lid of the box first! “Great snakes all mighty!”  That was going to take ages to pick up because there was a knack to packing them into the box that they all fit. So I left the nappies and we went to have lunch, after four mouthfuls I gave up! The Lollipop decided that afternoon she did not like her vegetables and she sprayed each mouthful back at me! “Great snakes almighty!” I was covered! So I made her a vegemite sandwich   and went to her room to pack the nappies back into the box. But things got a little too quiet, on inspection I found the Lollipop cleaning the television screen with her sandwich, vegemite side down!” Great snakes almighty!” I turned around and went back to packing nappies. She also pulled all the cds out of the racks, emptied both the Mauritian’s and my bedside draws, figured out how to open the doors of the antique bar and put the packet of toilet paper into the loo! Great snakes almighty!” I was glad when it was time to fetch the Butterfly from school, wrongly thinking the Butterfly would entertain the Lollipop and the destruction would stop! Unfortunately, when we got home she wrestled with the Butterfly for her backpack, ripped the Butterfly’s lunchbox away and emptied the leftovers around the lounge! I’m not sure how, because she has not done it again, but she managed to open the Butterfly’s water bottle and empted the contents on the dining room floor and then proceeded to slip and hit her head. “Great snakes almighty!” I was by now exhausted and at my wits end, so I put them in the bath.

Pure bliss, a few minutes alone to regroup and have a well deserved cup of coffee! Then from the bathroom: “Muuuuuuuum! She’s throwing all the toys out the bath!” and sure enough the Lollipop had thrown out all the toys and about half the bath water onto the bathroom floor. “Great snakes almighty!” Is it her bedtime yet? What else could she possibly do? She went on to pull the tablecloth and my sewing kit off the dining room table and empty her food bowl onto the table. She discovered her cup leaked if she turned it upside down and so she shook her juice all over her toy box. By this stage, the Mauritian, who had been home from work for about twenty minutes, decided he was going to gym; he came home after the Lollipop’s bedtime and then wondered why I would not talk to him for the rest of the night! “Great snakes almighty!”

Half an hour before her actual bedtime, I decided she was going to bed but she did not go quietly! Three times she threw her bottle out of her cot then screamed “blue murder” until I went in to give it back to her. The fourth time round I closed the passage door and turned up the television! “Great snakes almighty!”

I made it through that storm but I sure hope it does not come round again!